Did You/would You Expect Guests To Pay For Drinks At Your Wedding?
When I got married years ago, we were on a tight budget, and we found ways to save money (we made and decorated the cake ourselves, we did our own photography etc). We didn’t cut back, however, on the venue, the food, or the drinks. We knew people had travelled a long way to help us celebrate our day, and had brought gifts. The least we could do was make sure they were well fed and watered!
We gave them really lovely food, and there was no limit on wine etc at the meal, and we put money behind the bar, so that the drinks were complimentary too.
I have been to many weddings, including one thrown by millionaires (seriously), where we were expected to buy our own drinks at the bar, and there has been a limit on wine at the tables.
Do you think it’s important to look after your guests well? I know we felt that there were some things you don’t cut corners on, and food and drink was one of them. What do you all think?
I agree here. Paying for SOFT drinks? What? That is (or should be) unheard of. Even if you’re on welfare. Which in that case, you should not be spending *any* money on a wedding. Go to the courthouse and go home.
I’m not going to say that very poor people people shouldn’t get married, but if you can’t even afford to pay for pop for your guests, don’t have a reception. Please.
This is beyond unimaginable for people with decent to high incomes. I cannot understand how someone would expect you to buy them a gift, and then make them pay for their own drinks, eat cheap food, etc.
You did the right thing, and I agree that anything else in unacceptable.
If worse comes to worse, have a small family dinner at your parents or your house, but *never* make your guests pay to enjoy themselves at your wedding reception. That is more than bad taste. There is no reason for this.
Other options for those not destitute are a dry wedding, limited bar, or limited bar hours (the latter we are doing). Wine on the tables is a good choice as well.
You can always have a big 10th anniversary blowout when you finally have some money.
For any party I would hold coming from my house or any party I host, I put limitations on the alcohol. The reason: I do not want to be responsible for providing alcohol to a person who will get behind the wheel, risking wrecks etc. (manslaughter).
However, I believe in providing unlimited non alcoholic beverages: soda, water, tea, coffee etc to my guest.
For my wedding, I only had a few close family members. My mom paid for the ticket at the Hard Rock Cafe. In Maui on those who want to go in Feb (our 1 year anniv-honeymoon renewl all in one), we would pay the luau, which gives free-refills of strawberry Daj’s etc. Which we would pay for them to attend: includes the really good meal with the entertainment.
So, I believe in feeding the guest. But I do not think it is wise to serve unlimited alcohol. Especially if the hostest is lawfully responsible (Especially in California)
I think that yes, it is best to look after your guests in the best possible way. If you cannot afford alcohol at your wedding, it should not be served at all. There is nothing wrong with a wedding reception where only soft drinks are served. Another alternative is a mixed punch with alcohol in it. This can be an excellent alternative to an open bar. You should do the best you can with the budget that you have.
For my wedding, my fiance are having a sit down dinner with a bar. We are offering 2 kegs of different brands of beer as our alcohol. If guests want anything “harder” then that they’re just going to have to go to the bar and get it themselves. I feel we are being more than generous to feed everybody, send them home with gifts and pay for some alcohol along with all nonalcoholic drinks. Shots and mixed drinks are more expensive and if the guests have to buy, then they “most likely” won’t get completely smashed off of hard liquor because they’re going to nurse that drink more than they would if it was free. I’m glad you could do that for your guests. That’s awesome. Not everyone can and want to do that is all.
Congrats on your wedding! I hope it lasts forever!!!!!
I marry my sweetie October 20 07
Well, if there’s a bar, then the patrons will assume free booze unless otherwise stated.
I think it’s inappropriate to expect guests to pay for their own drinks. Yes, wedding are expensive, but a guest is just that–a guest. And THEY have often put themselves to great expense to attend a wedding (babysitting, getting dressed up, travel, buying a gift, etc.). To expect them to pay money to drink is a little silly.
That being said, alcohol is expensive and can take up a huge portion of a wedding budget. But there are so many ways around a cash bar: A couple can have alcohol service for a short time rather than throughout the reception, or choose to serve only a few drinks, such as wine or a favorite cocktail or punch. They might also decide not to serve alcohol at all, or to simply have a champagne toast. At one wedding I went to, the bar was out of sight–waitstaff brought drinks as needed. This no doubt cut down on the number of drinks each person had, but also allowed the staff to prevent anyone from getting too snickered. But in my opinion, a wedding should be “all access”–a person should not need to bring their wallet to enjoy themselves to the fullest.
Of course not. The couple getting married is HOSTING their guests, and pays for everything – food, and a full open bar – and of course, soft drink, juice, etc. – everything.
If you invite guests to your home for dinner, do you charge them admission? That’s basically what it would be like otherwise.
If the couple can’t ‘afford’ to host a dinner and a full open bar, then they need to amend the style of the wedding or the number of guests they are inviting.
You said it…they are your guests at an important event. They have spent money for your gift and to attend your wedding…now you want them to pay for their drinks??? I am sure they would do so but they will talk about it after the event in a negative manner.
I think it’s the height of poor manners to invite guests to a fancy event like a wedding and then not provide their refreshments. Unless it’s the annual family picnic, guests don’t provide their own food and drink! I realize that traditional weddings are very expensive, and that people have to cut back all over the place to meet budget. But, if you can’t afford to serve alcohol, then just don’t serve it–offer iced tea, punch, soft drinks, coffee, tea instead–but never make your guests pay for refreshments!
I’ve never ever paid for drinks at any wedding or party. I would not pay for a drink at a wedding or party. I would never charge my loved ones for a drink at a party I hosted.
I think it’s tacky
At our wedding we provided the wine that went with the meal…before dinner drinks…fruit punch and soft drinks all night. However, after the meal the bar was a cash bar. While we wanted our guests to have a good time we also didn’t want anyone driving that shouldn’t be. I know one table at our wedding had a limit put on their wine…but that was the decision of the reception hall…I think that they were on their 10th bottle (for a table of 8 and in less than 2 hours). I know they were a bit upset…but I think it was reasonable to limit them. The food at our wedding was amazing by the way…and we provided accomodation for out of town guests so I don’t think that by not letting them drink themselves to the point of throwing up was in any way “neglecting” them.
The other thing to remember is that not everyone drinks…so to have a bar there at all is great. I’ve been to “dry” weddings before. I was happy to go and celebrate with the couple and never felt that just because there was no alchol that anything was missing.
Wow, that’s really tacky that they made you pay for soft drinks. A cash bar is really tacky, but to make guests pay for soft drinks is extremely rude.
It all depends on someone budget…We didn’t have people pay for their own, but others have a no host bar, or they give tickets lets say for the first 2 drinks are free…
Personally i cared about my guest and made sure they were very will taken care of…
You are absolutely correct. You should look after your guest well. I have been to weddings held in hotels. The alcohol had to be purchased on site. And some of the people wedding i attended could afford to purchase it. But they did not pay for it. There are some religious circles that teach against alcohol. Some persons will allow you to have it. But you must pay for it. There are many reasons for this. people are also responsible for drunk drivers after they attend an affair they have provided the alcohol. This would also explain for the limitations. If they don’t provide it. You are at your own risk if you get drunk drive and kill someone. So let’s just say. They are attending to their guest well when they refuse to provide the alcohol.
We just paid for the non-alcoholic drinks. My husband, our mothers, my father, most of our siblings, most of our other guests, and I do not drink alcohol. It did not make any sense to pay for alcohol.
Most of our guests were also driving several miles after the reception since we did not have it close to where most of the them were staying. My in-laws, my husband, and I figured it would be safer to keep the alcohol consumption down.
The couple people who had alcohol did not mind paying for their own drinks. They were expecting to pay for the alcohol, including my father-in-law who had a glass of wine.
I personally think it is up to the bride, the groom, and whoever else is paying for the wedding whether or not to pay for all drinks or even serve alcohol at the wedding. It depends on cultural as well as personal preferences in addition to logistics as in our case with the reception being far from where the guests were staying.
I agree with you…I got married 2 years ago when I was 19 and my husband was 21…both of us worked low paying jobs (him fast food and me cleaning) and we cut back everywhere we could to make sure there was food and drinks for the guests. I think its insulting to invite people to a party in your honour and then expecting them to pay for things when they get there. and I find its the people who really cant afford it who dont charge their guests and the people who have money to spare are the ones who are too cheap.
We would have loved to have an open bar for our guests, but it wasn’t financially possible for us. We have a certain amount of beer and wine available at no cost until they are gone but the rest is a cash bar. And I’m sorry if its cheap and I’m not following ettiquete, but I know my friends and family understand that you don’t want to start your lives together in significant debt to celebrate your wedding. We aren’t better or worse, we are just different.
You and I are in agreement.
I would expect a guest to pay nothing – that’s why they’re guests. If they were paying, then they’d be customers.
Charging the guests for anything is just plain tacky.
Lady Phoenix isn’t far off.
I think if you can afford an open bar then do not serve alcohol. I think it is poor taste to even have a tip jar out. As a guest at a wedding or any party the last thing you should be think about what you have in your wallet.
I would make the guests pay for drinks b/c I would not want anyone drunk at my party for me supplying the drinks. #1, I’d save $ by not havign an open bar and #2, less ppl would drink b/c they have to pay for drinks.
Most ppl try to BYOB at weddings and that is fine also.
i would try to minimize the events of drunk ppl acting stupid at my wedding so therefore I would not have an open bar at my wedding.
No, as you said the have traveled a great distance to see these people come together in matrimony. The idea of having to shell out $20-30 after bringing a $100-300 gift (or more!) is simply horrible. But you gotta do, what you gotta. The only reason I could see reason for this is if the invited 300 or more people, but whatever.
Glad I Could Help
Phapalla
I think that if you invite people to your party, they shouldn’t have to pay for anything once they walk in the door. Food and drink should be provided for them by the hosts.
It’s basic good manners.
Bar should be paid for, just like the food.
However, I don’t require that they provide me with anything alcoholic. If the best they can afford is punch, water, and tea that’s fine. If you can afford to serve wine two or three glasses is plenty, there is no reason why you should be expected to have it completely unlimited and get an unknown amount of bill at the end of the night. You should do the best you can with as much grace as you can, not worry about getting your relatives all liquored up regardless of how far they travel. If they came because they wanted a free shot at getting toasted, sorry but I’d rather you stayed home and kept your present…Presents certainly weren’t why I invited you anyway.
People have diff. priorities for their weddings. For you it was food and bar. For us we want beautiful pictures and are willing to have a limited bar (only beer and wine) to get better decor for them. Pictures are all that lastes IMO. Food gets eaten and is gone, flowers dies…etc.
Unfortunately it is the norm in may areas of the country. I think it is incredibly rude to expect your guests to pay for anything at a party you are throwing.
I think it would be very rude to invite people to a wedding and make them pay for their own drinks. A wedding is no different than any other party. You wouldn’t invite them to a birthday party at your house and then charge them for a plastic cup with soda in it.
I been to wedding were you buy your drink I thought it was ok. It getting to the thing.
When I married 9yrs ago, we too had to cut back on things as my Father died the year before I married and we paid for everything ourselves.
We too were aware that our guests had come from a distance and brought loads of presents so we gave a sit down meal for a set number of people in afternoon then for evening we had a finger buffett. At sit down meal we had 2 red and 2 white bottles of wine on each table which we went to france and brought in bulk. We then handed out vouchers to everyone for two free drinks from the bar and after that guests paid for them thereselves.
Our guests commented that they all had good time, so I think its down to your budget and how you feel as remember it’s your day not theirs.
well, i think your guest should be looked out for, something to eat and drink. i really do not think that having a good time equals having a never ending supply of booze. so as long as there is soda, tea, coffee, lemon aid, something to drink, it sounds good to me. when i think wedding reception, i do not think SCORE FREE BOOZE! i think that two people are getting married and it will be like a party. at a party, the host/ess provides limited drinks, so if there is enough for everyone to get two beers, so be it. it does not mean they need to run out and buy more and more. there is a limit to what a hostess should be expected to do.
i think guests are expecting too much if it is suppose to be a nonstop flow of free drinks. people go really overboard when they drink* and it’s not their dollar. when people have to pay for it, it might limit how many drinks they have. so i suppose there are a few people who ruin the “free booze” weddings for all. too many brides and grooms have been burned by people going over board and getting plastered that they have to put a limit on it. personally i would not mind a wedding with a cash bar on alcoholic drinks. now charging for soda or a drink like that, that is tacky.
Personally, I have to wonder why you’re addressing this now. It’s almost as if you’re wanting people to pat you on the back for being “better” than even those ‘millionaires’ who had cash bars…?
No, I do NOT believe it is your duty to make sure anyone is “well watered”. Why can’t your guests help you celebrate with a great glass of punch? Do you really think you NEED liquor to celebrate? If so, your thinking is a bit off.