Why Are Many People Preoccupied With Wedding Costs?
Just curious to see what people have to say about this. Why are so many people preoccupied with how much other people spend on their ceremony and reception? And why so judgemental about it? I’ve heard people making comments about other people who are spending “too much” and people who are spending “too little”. As for the “average” cost of a wedding, it’s skewed by high-end receptions and backyard barbecues, so how relevent is it really? A person’s budget is a personal thing. Shouldn’t the advice be to “stay within your means” rather than providing a price range that’s “acceptable”? It seems to me that too many people are focusing on the numbers and not the event. People often say that “it’s about the meaning behind the ceremony”. If this is true, then who cares if the couple can comfortably spend $100k or $100 on their celebration?
I’ve been to great wedding ceremonies and receptions with budgets over $100k and under $1000 and I’ve been to really horrible weddings and receptions with the same parameters. So why does the money matter so much to other people? Is it just human nature?
Thanks for the answers!
I love your question! I have seen many times on here questions such as “How much did your wedding cost?”, “How much did your wedding gown cost?”, or many variables about cost. When I answer these questions, I always get thumbs down placed on my answer. I get snide comments such as “Rich people don’t talk about money”, or “That money should have been spent on a house”, or my favorite…”How selfish of you! You should be using that money to help starving people”. I have never realized how much of a communist society we live in here in U.S.A. until I began spending time on Yahoo Answers in the wedding section. How is it ok for 99% of the other brides on here to answer how much they are spending on their wedding, but not me? It appears that unless you are a DIY project bride on here with a shoestring budget, you are considered a monster. The thing is that I laugh at the responses or backlash I get from other women on here in regards to my budget. It’s like I’ve said a thousand times on here, I am only attempting to help with my answers. Nothing more. I am not judging or putting down a budget bride, but I deserve the same respect. Furthermore, I find it humorous when time and again I see the usual response of “That should be spent on a house”…when we already own 2 homes. I think it just comes down to discrimination against the brides that have a high end budget. Discrimination is built out of fear and envy. Fear of their own budget restrictions, and clear cut envy of the high end budgets. I agree with you about the fact that small budget weddings can be beautiful. It’s only when the question of “Do you think this would be tacky..” is asked, that it most probably is. The bottom line is this: it’s not our job to personally fix the nation’s economy. We give to charity all year long with money and time, we’ve worked hard and smart for our money, and we deserve to spend it on our wedding day. Besides, like another person said in answer to this question, it’s because of our wedding day that we’re giving a strong influx of income to our venue, our caterer, our DJ, etc. Hopefully people can someday stop looking in each other’s financial backyards and just focus on being a better person each and every day. Life is short, and you don’t get to take your money with you when you die. Instead, make a beautiful memory with it.
If you had never thrown a Thanksgiving dinner for 27 people, would you have any clue about the costs? Same goes for a wedding.
Presumably, the ones who are asking have never been involved in planning a wedding before so have no idea what to expect. When someone asks what the ‘average’ cost is to plan a wedding, I nearly always tell them that they have to give more information. Such as the number, formal or casual, type of venue expected, church service or not, destination or not, catered or not.
I’m with you 100% on this one. Personally, I could care less what one person spends on their wedding. It is a personal thing. I am personally extremely frugal when it comes to money. But that is just me. However, I find it really offensive that people (especially some of the “top contributors”) make negative or offensive comments about someone else’s budget. Who cares really? Most of us are on a tight budget, and were looking for advice not negative criticism.
good luck.
They’re nosy and have nothing better to do. They are also bitter because they don’t understand why the rest of the universe doesn’t share the mindset that they do regarding finances. Weddings always bring out the folks who are stuck in their “you must do things this way or else your marriage will be doomed!” bubble when they might be completely rational at any other time. If you don’t want your budget judged by others, don’t give out that information.
People are judgmental because everyone has different ideas about how a wedding “should” be. Some can’t fathom the idea of spending a ton of money on one day. Others have the opposite idea and can’t imagine penny pinching for a wedding.
Personally, I couldn’t care less about what people pay for a wedding. But I agree with you that people are very preoccupied with how much others spend.
In my opinion, as long as you’re happy, who cares?! I wouldn’t mind getting married in a big church with a big white dress, but at the same time I would kind of like to get married in Vegas!! I don’t personally care who spends what on their wedding. As long as it’s memorable to you, that’s all that matters!
People are so preoccupied with the money aspect because they are trying to impress other people. They want to sound like they are spending alot of money. But if you really have money, you don’t need to brag. The rich live ordinary looking lives. I am talking about the real rich people who live quiet lives and don’t need affirmation or validation from anyone.
I really couldn’t care less. I do notice when people who are on smaller budgets try to make wedding plans as if they can spend thousands and thousands of dollars, or do things that deviate from even the most basic of etiquette rules (i.e. comfort for your guests, etc.), but other than that, I couldn’t really care less. I say spend what you do or do not want to spend.
I agree. In fact when I hear someone is spending $100,000 on their wedding I think it’s great. Because, instead of keeping the money in a bank account somewhere it is now helping the caterer, florist, DJ, bartender and everyone else stay in business.
I think some people are jealous that they don’t have that much room to play around, and others realize that you don’t have to spend your entire life savings on a wedding. I ask people so I can get an idea what my wedding will be able to have, and what I will have to shave down on.
I’m with you 100%. I wish I had a dollar for every time I’m answered the question “How much should I spend on a gift?” with “Whatever amount is appropriate to your financial situation.”
A lot of people are nosy, curious or just plain rude.
Hi Kristy and thanks for asking.
I totally agree!! More than once a week, there are questions like:
“How much was your wedding?”
“What would a wedding like this [ideas given] cost?”
There are soooo many variables that this cannot be answered! It all depends on location, location, location! I live in a very small town where costs are on the low-spectrum even for a fancy wedding. Now, if you live in a major city (Boston, San Fran, LA, New York)….wow…you are talking lots of money!
Also, I don’t understand why anyone would even care what others spent! I mean, I was always taught not to ask someone what they paid for something.
I CAN understand asking for advice….which dress do you like better? Which color combinations sound nicer?….things of that nature. But, unless you are comparing apples to apples, no two weddings are going to cost exactly the same because someone in California hosting a backyard BBQ will probably pay a lot more than if I was hosting a backyard BBQ simply because of WHERE YOU LIVE!
Thanks for the question. It was a good one.
Personally, I don’t lose sleep over how much a couple spends on their wedding.
That being said, when someone says what they’re spending, I can’t help but think about it. If they’re spending a ton of money, I often find myself thinking, “Geez, what a waste. Think of how many hungry peopel that money could feed.”
Likewise, when a couple who could otherwise afford more cheaps out on their wedding, especially in areas like the food and seating, it makes me shake my head because they’re not really taking their guests into consideration. It’s absolutely fine for a couple to be on a tight budget … but I think it’s wrong when the bride is wearing a $5,000 gown and they’re taking a four-week European honeymoon, but they’re feeding their guests cold bland chicken and making them stand all night because they don’t want to spend money on rental chairs. And I also think it’s really wrong when a couple goes into debt over paying for a wedding – it’s ONE DAY. Albeit an important one, but it’s still just a party in the end. A party isn’t worth years of debt.
I’ve been married over 30 happy years, and I have to say we didn’t have much money when we married so we just had a simple church ceremony, and a reception at a restaurant which was like a cocktail hour…finger foods, wine and beer, and the traditional wedding cake. We didn’t even have a band or dancing. Just piped in music. It was simple, inexpensive (we invited 300 guests), and our marriage has lasted. What more could you want? We used the money we could have spent on a lavish wedding for our honeymoon and down-payment on our first home.
Because some people get lost on the idea that the bigger, fancier, elaborate and spectacular the wedding – the better it is.
Of course, there are people who just want’s to show off in many levels. How much “better” the wedding than cousin Karen, or how more beautiful the bride compared to neighbor Anne, or how much the parents paid for compared to bridge partner Greta.
It’s insane.
I’ve been to a wedding of two cousins, ceremony separated over a year. The 1st cousin’s wedding was smaller than the second – and comparisons had been made between the two on how much “better” the 2nd cousin’s was.
Comments like :
“…don’t do what your cousin did on her wedding…” was heard.
Or “…. you have to have a better wedding than your cousin…”
and my favorite, “… you have to invite our relatives that wasn’t invited to your cousin’s wedding.”
I’m not engaged yet, but I had been told time and again of…
“…not to do as this wedding did…” and
“….I want your wedding to be bigger than this one…”
Geez – and most of that’s coming from the old people (the parents, aunts and assorted neighbors) It’s absolutely insane.
Because people go in the hole for one day and then end up wanting an annulment 3 months later. No offense, but open your eyes– everyday, people get married just so they can have an outrageous wedding with a pretty dress & be the talk of the town. It’s the wrong motive. I only know a couple of people who’ve spent tens of thousands of dollars on weddings, and all of them had the wrong motives behind it (focused on the wedding, not on their marriage). BUT, I agree with you that it’s really no one else’s business. I think some people are just jealous or cruel.