Comments on: Why Do So Many People Still Rely On Their Parents When Getting Married?

By: chocolat

chocolat — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 08:35:47 +0000

Its just customary of the cultures. In american culture, the parents of the bride are expected to pay for the wedding, because the husband will be supporting his wife for the rest of his life. In mexican culture, the groom and his family (parents) are expected to pay, just out of chivalry. So for me, it’s nothing too far from ordinary when I hear that the parents are paying for a wedding.

By: fairyofs

fairyofs — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 08:35:47 +0000

Personally, I don’t expect my parents or my fiance’s parents to pay for any of our wedding. It is very gracious that they are able to do some of it; however, we are still going to have to do a good bit too. I do think a lot of people are still very concerned with tradition and that seems to be something that has traditionally been done.

By: Jenn

Jenn — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 08:35:47 +0000

I don’t know why…maybe that is a convenient tradition for people who want to have the wedding of their dreams. Sometimes parents just want to. I told my parents that we expected no help at all, but my father insisted that I at least let him pay for the reception. So, I didn’t have a choice, but in no way was I relying on this. It just depends on the situation and your family pretty much.

By: ♥Angie♥

♥Angie♥ — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 08:35:47 +0000

Well…My parents offered to pay for parts of our wedding. The ceromony will be in their beautiful yard, so they are paying for everything that is needed. They are also paying for the catering. They will have put in about $4000 when its all over with. The reception will be at my fiance’s parent house and we are paying for all the decorations, rentals, favors, open bar..etc. It will end up costing us about $2000.
I didnt ask or expect my parents to pay for the wedding. They insisted that they pay for half (our gift from them).
I do get what you are saying about people expecting their parents to pay for their weddings…and I do think thats very rude of people to think that…they should be grateful of what their parents have already done for them. If the parent offers as in our case…i dont see anything wrong with it. But never expect it.
Cuture and tradition has changed alot over the years.
btw-we would be fine even if my parents didnt offer.

By: Sweet

*Sweet* — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 08:35:47 +0000

nope im not “floored” at all …
i agree with jgf5822 and Mrs B 8-16-08 …are you REALLY doing a cash bar!?!?! thats crazy…i would reconsider!

By: Jen C

Jen C — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 08:35:47 +0000

Personally it’s my fiance’s and my wedding and seeing we are the ones wanting to do it then we should be the ones paying. We live together and have done for a while so i don’t see any problem with it.
Their money is their money and they can do what they like with it. If they wanted to contribute something then it would welcomed with respect but if they chose not to give us a dime we would not have cared less.
Both our parents wanted to contribute to our day but we were not expecting it and were quite happy to have as long an engagement as we needed to have our wedding day. Their contribution brought our wedding day closer (and doubled our guest list by us letting them invite obscure relations in the interest of family politics as a courtesy for the funding)
It was nice that both sets of parents in our case WANTED to contribute. I think it’s rude to EXPECT someone else to give thousands of their own well earned money to someone else just so they can dress up for the day and then have the gall to get upset at them when they don’t.

By: stageman

stageman — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 08:35:47 +0000

It all comes down to tradition and traditionally parents have paid for the wedding (whether they could afford it or not). Times have changed though and with many couples not marrying until they are financialy established, it is becoming less the norm. I am fortunate that our parents are paying for the majority of the wedding, bit like you, I am kepping the budget low by doing many things ourselves as I can’t stand the idea of paying a ridiculous amount of money for 1 day. Even though I wanted a limo, I scrapped the idea when I found out it is $1000 for a few hours!!! My budget will come in aroung $8000-$9000 for a wedding with a 260 person guest list with full reception (our caterer was only $13.95 a head – a steal even where we live and they have been around for years and have a great reputation). We did not expect them to pay for it though but am glad they have offered (they paid the full bill for my brothers). To expect though and then take advantage of it by spending extravegantly is foolish!!
P.S. Go with the cash bar – no one expects free liquor anymore. I have only been to one wedding where it was a free bar. There were 2 drunken fights and people went up, got a drink, took 2 sips, put it down, and got another. It was the most wasteful, indulgent mess I have ever seen. We will charge $1.00 per drink to cover most of the expenses and hand out a few freebies to close friends etc (the bridal party, and parents don’t have to pay). To expect free liquor in this day and age is ridiculous!

By: Julie M

Julie M — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 08:35:47 +0000

OMG, yes…People should grow up and pay for their own weddings, a lot of people say that it’s the twenty first century and their parents should ‘leave them alone’…than why is it they turn around and ask the parents to pay for it? It’s sad and pathetic…too old fashioned customs for me…I will pay what i want to spend and invite who i want..

By: Luv2Answ

Luv2Answ — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 08:35:47 +0000

Not really. It’s tradition. Most brides still wear white and throw their bouquet. It’s a tradition like any other. When we found out our baby was going to be a girl the first thing my husband (jokingly) said to me when we got in the car to leave was. “Well, we’ll have to pay for a wedding.” I might be old fashioned but I fully expect to pay for it, whether she gets married at 20 or or 40.

By: J'adore

J'adore — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 08:35:47 +0000

No, not really. In some cultures and families, it very common for the parents to pay and not to bat an eyelash. I know you are finding it odd and may even look down on those people, but to each is their own. There are surely some families that are appalled by the fact your parents aren’t willing to contribute more. In some social circles and cultures, it’s consider bad for the parents not to help foot the bill.
My friend’s family had two funds set up for her as a little girl, one college fund and one wedding fund. She’s been told her wedding will be paid for in full from the time she was a little girl. Not every family has this, but hers did. Her sister had one too.
I know in my family, my parents would want to help pay as much as they can. Parents like to see their children have nice memories and share in the joy of a new marriage. I know my mom and dad had a very small wedding (my mom was one of 6 girls). So, she’s planning on helping me as much as she can with mine. She was always a little disappointed that she never had a fancy dress or a professional photographer. She’s vowed to help me have a nicer wedding than my parents (within a budget, of course)
To each is their own. I don’t question what other families do. Each family has their own way of operating, if the parents paying work than good for them.
But, it’s no ones place to judge how and why people spend their money.
You have to realize what works for your family, doesn’t always work for others. Some families pay for the entire wedding as a present, so that the bride and groom can save money to buy a house of their own.