Why Put Down Another Woman’s Budget For Her Wedding?
I just have to ask this question. It seems that I get a lot of negetive, nasty comments from other women on here when it comes to wedding things. i.e. wedding budget, etc. I am fortunate enough to have a fiance that is a smart, successful business man who has been wise in his investments. We own 2 houses. He is the one who made the decision to have a large, lavish, elegant wedding. He was kind enough to set a wedding budget of $100k. I’ve never flaunted this around on here like this before, b/c it didn’t seem needed. However, whenever I read comments from other b2b, they seem to feel that only lower-budget weddings matter. I don’t get it. I would never dream of putting anyone down for their budget, wedding choices, or engagement ring. These things are very special to each and every woman…and no one’s is better than the other. Mine included. I simply am a bored housewife (or soon to be wife) who does charity work outside the home, and found it fun to give feedback to ladie’s who had wedding questions on here. But time and again I have gotten “thumbs down” or nasty comments. Perhaps it’s a societal thing, where we as women in general feel the drive to be catty to one another. How sad. If anyone would like to give feedback to this question, please feel free. If anyone just wants to brag about their upcoming wedding, this is the space for you! We should all as b2b be free to jump up and down with excitement about our wedding plans. Me included.
I’ve gotten thumbs downed on a number of my answers relating to financial matters.
A while back there were loads of questions about budget (mine was $20k and has been scaled back to $15k) and also about how much to give when you are a guest (where I’m from $100 is the lower end of the range for a cash gift). And anytime I chimed in with my opinion or what is customary for me, I’d get a few thumbs downs. I’ve also gotten the “it’d be better spent on a house” comments and my fiance & I both own homes. We’re paying for our wedding ourselves, not relying on our parents or families to fork over the money so its really nobody’s business to complain about how we are choosing to spend our money.
And I agree totally with you that nobody ought to be knocking another persons budget. Unfortunately, it happens on here ALOT and there is nobody that can really police the thumbs up and thumbs downs.
Wow alot of money. What are you plans so far? Got the reception? Ceremony? Honeymoon? How many bridesmaids are you having?
Have fun planning your wedding.
I’m sorry that you are getting the nastiness. That is not right. But I understand where you are coming from. When my invitations went out, my fiance was asked how much this wedding was costing by several different people.
Personally, I get offended by people having the guts to even ask!!! It is none of their business. I did spend a good deal on my invites, but I fell in love with them and that is what I wanted. I would love to have a platinum wedding, but I can’t so I’m doing my best on what I’ve got.
Good luck planning your wedding – HAVE A BLAST WITH IT ALL!!!
I really don’t care what someone else spends since it isn’t my money or my life. But some people flaunt the extravagant amount they are paying for something and all it does is create jealousy and bitterness amongst those who don’t have that much to spend. Some people are never happy unless they’re complaining about something. If you don’t want money to be an issue, don’t put the figures out there in the first place to be judged.
I personally don’t think it is appropriate for someone to put someone else down about this subject regardless of what they say in the questions. You only get one change to make the wedding of your dreams and if you can have everything and more at your wedding then more power to you. I think some people just might get a little jealous that they can not afford the wedding of there dreams… So i wouldn’t let what people say on here effect you and good luck with your wedding it sounds like it will be beautiful.
Do you know what is going on in the world around you? Do you not understand why most people think it is absurd and obscene to spend more money on a party for one day than so many people pay for just one modest house?
If I had $100,000 to blow on a party, I’d take the majority of that money and donate it to a worthy cause and have a simple party on a smaller budget instead.
It is sad and disgusting when wealthy people throw money around like it’s nothing.
Coincidentally, I work at a wealth management firm and refreshingly most of our clients aren’t like that.
It DOES make it sound like you’re bragging a bit, and looking down on those who can’t afford to spend as much as you. You have to remember, a lot of people give answers here that degrade women who are trying to save some money. I’ve even seen, “If you can’t afford to spend $10,000 you have no business getting married! Go to the courthouse instead!”. How cruel is that?
All that you need to say is, “We’re spending $100,000, and we can afford to do so”. If anyone needs more details than that, they’re WAY too nosy…
I’m sorry to hear you’ve had negative feedback on here, but glad to see you’re sticking around! My question is how do these girls even know that you have such a large budget? I guess it could come from jelousy, not everyone can afford all that. Don’t take it too personally. They don’t know you and shouldn’t judge you no matter what your budget. Anyways, congratulations on the upcoming wedding, and when is it? Mine is August 9, 2009, and I can’t wait!! Good luck!
I agree with you. It seems that anyone who wants to do something that is considered costly in their circle gets told it’s a “waste of money” or they should “save it for a house”. However, some of us have a house and can afford to spend the money and are simply asking a question regarding a wedding item or decor or dress or food, etc. When people ask about having a “cheap” wedding no one gives them any grief for it (as they shouldn’t!) and yet if you say “we’re serving caviar and what is the best wine with that?” people will shoot that down. I don’t really understand it because the wedding is about the committment and covenant and having a good time celebrating, not the budget, so who cares if the bride and groom are spending $100,000 or $100, right? My theory is that you decide what you can and cannot afford and that’s not really other people’s business, like you said. There have been many times I have refrained from answering a question because I know I will get negative feedback because of my answer, which may or may not be helpful to the bride and groom in question. I agree, women are catty and it is sadly reflected by their answers to otherwise unbiased questions! I think this board is FUN and informative and sometimes I am surprised by the amount of people who give negative feedback to the opinions of others. I love reading all the answers and questions and I hope we can all continue to help each other despite our differing budgets ( =
The only reason people would give you grief for it is if you HAD mentioned the amount of money you are spending, and I know you have because I’ve read it (along with, I think, your big engagement ring that people are jelous of and your mother in law who is “forcing” you to do over the top things for your wedding).
Personally, I don’t care how you choose to spend your money and more than you should care how I spend mine.
If you got it, sister, flaunt it!
Who cares. No offense. I wouldn’t get offended. People are probably trying to get the highest “thumbs up” votes in hopes that they will be chosen as best answer… I’ve noticed people will answer a question and give everyone’s answer before them thumbs down. Its dumb, and wouldn’t go getting upset about it. Who cares what others think anyway?
No one knew you had such a large budget nor did they know you guys owned two homes. So there is no way anyone could have known that to talk crap about you.
Move on, be happy and enjoy being a bride to be! lol
Congrats and Good Luck!
Here’s the thing.
When people ask me about my wedding I give them all sorts of detail, except the budget. That’s none of their business.
If you go around saying “we’re having a $100K wedding because we own 2 houses and we make good money and I’m a housewife that doesn’t need to work” then you’re going to get negative comments. That’s just how it is.
For example, you could have written your question by simply saying “why do people get upset with bigger budgets than smaller budgets” without going into the story of your life. It gives an air of arrogance that *most* people cannot stand.
Edit–Honestly I wouldn’t even stress it. At the end of the day its your right to spend your money as you wish.
I hate it when people give really negative feedback on things that are strictly a matter of taste. Why would you thumbs-down someone who likes a dress that you don’t like? You don’t have to wear it!
There are a lot of cookie-cutter people in the world, I’ve realized, who can’t think for themselves or accept situations that differ from theirs. I’m sure a lot of people appreciate your feedback, so I hope you don’t let the witchy brides (and there are plenty of them) get you down.
I think a lot of people don’t understand that “YOUR WEDDING IS NOT A COMPETITION.” It doesn’t matter how much you can pay or how much you can’t pay – it just matters that it is YOUR wedding. I am spending about 5% of what you are spending. Because it is MY wedding and that’s what I want to do.
I also don’t understand negative and nasty answers from people who also don’t read all of the question.
I work in the entertainment business on the West Coast of the United States, my clients and colleagues range from A-list movie stars who have paparazzi around them all day to heavyweight movie producers with 5 personal assistants and their own chef. I also oversee a lot of the entry level work myself so I deal with people who work regular jobs with average salaries.
I’ll give you the answer to your question right now : JEALOUSY, ENVY, wishing they were in your position, wishing they made and/or had as much money and net worth as you do, however you want to say it.
Anyone who makes more money then the next guy will always have the guy with the smaller salary behind him being jealous and envious of the other guy’s bigger paycheck. This transcends from the school teacher who makes $35,000 a year against the computer programmer earning $60,000 a year, and it goes all the way up to Lucy Liu making $4 million for Charlie’s Angels compared to Cameron Diaz’s $20 million.
The funny thing is, is that even though it hurts the other people to see that others are doing better and earning more money then them, they just love to rub it in and learn more and more about the other person and how much money they have, what kind of cars they drive, where they live. Why do you think they have that show on MTV called “Cribs” ?
Other people’s success is like a cavity to the less fortunate. They know it hurts to touch the cavity in their mouth but they just can’t stop sucking air through it to make it even more painful.
If you were to find another woman who had a wedding that consisted of a $100,000 budget of course you would get along with her well and she with you. You guys would be on the same page and no one would feel less than the other. But when you get other women who didn’t get to have the $25,000 wedding dress and they have to wear some crappy looking rock on their finger for the rest of their lives, of course the table turns.
I understand. I dont have quite that big a budget, but I am happy with what we came up with so far (MAY 30, 09). I am very excited. It is my dream wedding and it is no where close to your budget, but I dont knock you for being able to have everything you want at your wedding. I wish I had a few more thousand to play around with. It’s your day, do what you want. Just be careful when you mention how much you are paying for stuff because people may get jealous or think you are showing off.
And to those who leave those nasty comments: Dont worry about everyone else. Plan your day and be excited. Dont rain on someone elses wedding planning. We are all B2B and we should support eachother, from the person eloping in Las Vegas to the one who is renting an entire Island for their wedding. We all have one hting in common, we are all women planning weddings. Lets have fun!
Its your wedding do how you want to..My wedding was the exact opposite of yours my husband got married in a court house. I have people tell me everyday that’s not a real marriage. We must not love each other enough if we did not share it in front of everyone else. I would of liked to have a nice big wedding but that was just not in the cards at that point in time when we wanted to get married. So congrats to you and have the most beautiful wedding ever. Hope you guys have a long happy life together